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Things you'd like to say outloud at work

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  • Things you'd like to say outloud at work

    1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of crap.

    2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

    3. How about never? Is never good for you?

    4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

    5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.

    6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

    7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

    8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

    9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a darn word you're saying.

    10. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...

    11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.

    12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

    13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn.

    14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

    15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

    16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

    17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

    18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

    19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

    20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

    21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

    22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

    23. And your crybaby whiny-funky opinion would be...?

    24. Do I look like a people person?

    25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

    26. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

    27! . Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

    28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

    29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

    30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

    31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

    32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

    33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?

    34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

    35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

    36. Chaos, panic, & disorder-my work here is done.

    37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

    38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.

    39. Oh. I get it... like humor... but different

  • #2
    Re: Things you'd like to say outloud at work

    I've used some of them, particularly No. 8

    Tom
    Tom Jones
    MCT, MCSE (2000:Security & 2003), MCSA:Security & Messaging, MCDBA, MCDST, MCITP(EA, EMA, SA, EDA, ES, CS), MCTS, MCP, Sec+
    PhD, MSc, FIAP, MIITT
    IT Trainer / Consultant
    Ossian Ltd
    Scotland

    ** Remember to give credit where credit is due and leave reputation points where appropriate **

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Things you'd like to say outloud at work

      8 is pretty good but i like number 2 as well

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Things you'd like to say outloud at work

        Oh what I would give to say 28 to a few users.

        I'll have to remember that one for my leaving day

        Michael
        Michael Armstrong
        www.m80arm.co.uk
        MCITP: EA, MCTS, MCSE 2003, MCSA 2003: Messaging, CCA, VCP 3.5, 4, 5, VCAP5-DCD, VCAP5-DCA, ITIL, MCP, PGP Certified Technician

        ** Remember to give credit where credit is due and leave reputation points sigpic where appropriate **

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        • #5
          Re: Things you'd like to say outloud at work

          34 made me chuckle!
          Server 2000 MCP
          Development: ASP, ASP.Net, PHP, VB, VB.Net, MySQL, MSSQL - Check out my blog http://tonyyeb.blogspot.com

          ** Remember to give credit where credit is due and leave reputation points sigpic where appropriate **

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          • #6
            Re: Things you'd like to say outloud at work

            i'd like to use number 9 every time i am in some conference call with an outsourcer in the eastern hemisphere.
            Yesterday we stood at the edge of the abyss. Today we are a step further...

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Things you'd like to say outloud at work

              Originally posted by chris
              i'd like to use number 9 every time i am in some conference call with an outsourcer in the eastern hemisphere.
              By this I assume you mean those damn Indian outsourcers?
              I agree, they're very hard to understand. If it's not the accent, its the marbles in their mouth

              Some of these are great. I think a few of them go well together. 17+ "Don't get me wrong" + 11

              I'd love to use this on one of our programmers. God he rambles on and attempts to boggle people with bullshit and the sad part is my boss buys his shit (I guess you need to be like this when you fall into a job because you were dating the bosses daughter, things don't work out with her but you manage to keep your job. Meanwhile you have no formal education in your profession and constantly feel as if you're compared to someone who's actually qualified - I'd develop a complex too). I try to tell him otherwise but he can't see through the smoke this guy is blowing up his ass.
              Last edited by ahinson; 28th June 2006, 05:43.
              Andrew

              ** Remember to give credit where credit is due and leave reputation points sigpic where appropriate **

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              • #8
                Re: Things you'd like to say outloud at work

                Andrew, is everything ok? It looks like you need a vacation man...

                Cheers,

                Daniel Petri
                Microsoft Most Valuable Professional - Active Directory Directory Services
                MCSA/E, MCTS, MCITP, MCT

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Things you'd like to say outloud at work

                  Originally posted by danielp
                  Andrew, is everything ok? It looks like you need a vacation man...

                  Nah I'm ok. I could use a vacation though
                  Andrew

                  ** Remember to give credit where credit is due and leave reputation points sigpic where appropriate **

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                  • #10
                    Re: Things you'd like to say outloud at work

                    God he rambles on and attempts to boggle people with bullshit
                    What goes around comes around. Sooner or later he'll wake up one morning and find himself neck deep in it.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Things you'd like to say outloud at work

                      Originally posted by ahinson
                      Nah I'm ok. I could use a vacation though
                      Michael says Florida is a nice place for a holiday, maybe you should go there.

                      Forget the arsehole, just concentrate on Baby Goliath!! There is nothing like having your child smile at you when you're really pissed off with someone.

                      Number 40 is missing from the list. "If your brains were made of dynamite you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose."

                      41. The lights are on but there is nobody home.
                      42. The elevator doesn't go all they way to the top.
                      43. The is a roo loose in the top paddock. (Aussie version)
                      43(a). There is a steer loose in the top pasture. (US version)
                      44. You are a hotdog short of a BBQ.
                      45. You are a sandwich short of a picnic.
                      46. You are so smart you have two brains, one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
                      1 1 was a racehorse.
                      2 2 was 1 2.
                      1 1 1 1 race 1 day,
                      2 2 1 1 2

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                      • #12
                        Re: Things you'd like to say outloud at work

                        47. wisdom is chasing you but you're faster

                        @ andrew: yes, right on
                        Last edited by chris; 28th June 2006, 08:26.
                        Yesterday we stood at the edge of the abyss. Today we are a step further...

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Things you'd like to say outloud at work

                          48. I thought you had hit rock bottom but now I see you are digging.
                          1 1 was a racehorse.
                          2 2 was 1 2.
                          1 1 1 1 race 1 day,
                          2 2 1 1 2

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Things you'd like to say outloud at work

                            49) I think the gene pool needs some more chlorine

                            50) Have you ever considered a career in medical research?


                            Tom
                            Tom Jones
                            MCT, MCSE (2000:Security & 2003), MCSA:Security & Messaging, MCDBA, MCDST, MCITP(EA, EMA, SA, EDA, ES, CS), MCTS, MCP, Sec+
                            PhD, MSc, FIAP, MIITT
                            IT Trainer / Consultant
                            Ossian Ltd
                            Scotland

                            ** Remember to give credit where credit is due and leave reputation points where appropriate **

                            Comment

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